Oh fuck. Now whenever I put on a black t-shirt and unremarkable jeans (i.e. most of the time) I have to feel like I'm playing right into the Gap's conspiracy to suck away everyone's individuality and personal identity. From now on I'm only leaving the house wearing old-timey bathing suits with the nipples cut out.

Of course, that's why there are so many bible verses forbidding contraception/abortion. Unlike, say, shrimp.

That's because, by formally opting out, they're tacitly permitting someone to help women afford contraception, and God is not down with that.

Some constructive criticism, thehunchbackofnotredwayne, since I see you are interested in pursuing a path in sexist trolling: you need to commit (I would suggest you fact-check, too, put that's probably beyond you — Maddie is a staff writer here, just FYI! That is a full-time position, and also a vagina is not…

Rage not make my words good. Here:

Well, at least now I know I'm not a paranoid psycho for being terrified of this exact thing happening.

Death!

Wait. No. CAKE.

I find that the most important quality in my wife is her ability to take my shit and not cut me. There's another quality as well, but that's a distant second.

Well, you could drop by my parents' house unannounced if you're needing some old-sex affirmation. Although I'm gonna say that exposure to that burns out a part of your brain and you can never put the kitty back in the bag, so to speak.

How could anyone oppose same-sex marriage? Cakes for all!

COOL STORY BRO: I personally know the founder of Fark and he's a great guy. There was a popular poster who passed away several years ago and it was his dream to have a huge Fark party in Vegas. Drew and the rest of the crew organized a party in Vegas back in April 2011 in his honor. The guy's mother, brother, and…

Fark is like the internet version of your old Catholic grandma who surprises the shit out of you when she buys you condoms.

Wait, actually I transcribed it while working on this article:

More like SMUGshot, right you guys?

douchebag says what ?

I read "paps" and I think pap smears.

Either way I guess, but I like having a physical copy of my games.

Look yo, like this movie or hate this movie, whatever. But can we please stop acting like having money makes you immune to boredom or loneliness or any other type of problems? It's not true, and it's harmful.

Good on you for writing it up this way. The name needs to come out, but it needs to be the correct name.

He's a fiction writer.