They don’t have fire - the metal weapons they have from a scrapped boat a few decades back were “cold-forged” which is at least as cool as “castle-forged”

That’s a really good point to make - I’ve been following this story avidly (because what the actual fcuk was he thinking), but I wouldn’t be surprised if he “inspired” a bunch of other adventure travellers slash missionaries slash more money than sense idiots to try to FOMO their way onto that island.

I let my students have a 5 minute dance at the end of class to blow off steam, last week I look up and every last one of them were doing this PERFECTLY. They asked me if I wanted to learn, I gracefully declined in only the way that a short, round Irish lady can. “Are you mad I’ll end up in hospital that’s lovely very…

No. Half of these twats have Irish blood and we don’t want them back. We’re quite happy with our Nigerians and Polish comin’ over here doing strange things to the cabbage and being accountants.

Did you know that your name in Turkish means dried leaves? I work with a lady who pronounces it Hahzel and I’m constantly saying Hayzel and I think it gets on her tits so she calls me Apple instead of April so basically morning greetings are hilarious.

ahahah the minute the sermon starts at Mass, Dad is out COLD. He told us when we were little that he had so many people to pray for he had to close his eyes to concentrate and we actually believed him until we realised people don’t generally start to snore while in deep thought.

I wore flip flops for 6 solid months last year (hot country, poor shoe selection for the hobbit-ically inclined, very hassled senior management who didn’t really enforce dress code) and I came home for Christmas absolutely CRIPPLED from pains all up and down my calves and shins. I hobbled through the airport, my…

“In order to find his equal an Irishman is forced to talk to God.”

No disrespect to the Holy Trinity of Chris’s (Chris’? Chrises?) (Chris Pratt doesn’t count, he’s a twat), but this looks like shite. The accents are awful, everything is too clean, Scots at that time had maybe a full set of teeth per clan and it feels exactly like one those TV shows like Merlin or Sinbad where…

I live next door to Uganda, and he’s fucked. Like, it’ll take him months, millions and Jesus himself to get that man out of that mess because Ugandans don’t mess around, in that they *do* mess around. He shouldn’t have brought his stupid face anywhere near East Africa with that attitude.

Yep I do (Ireland) but I spent the last 6 years in developing countries where the water tends to twinkle if you look at it too closely. 

Listen, this could be an entire freak of nature, but I’m 36 and I haven’t one single cavity in my head. The amount of Diet Coke/sugary tea that has disappeared down my gob throughout my lifetime could drown a whale but for some reason my teeth are rock solid (there’s a gap in my front teeth that nobody except me…

I honestly cannot with these fucking people who are possibly distantly related to me and therefore maybe Thanos was right.

See my brother always told me if you hit with a closed fist you’d end up hurting yourself more than the other person, but that lady obviously didn’t give a shit. Did someone give her some ice? And a medal?

I know you can get DeWalt stuff in Ireland because I’ve seen that name on various doohickies in the shed, so I’ll see if I can get a hold of the combo kit because he likes messing around and he has a very misbehaving deck (we had 6 solid weeks of really hot weather and now it’s pissing down and I think something…

Does that help at all for someone who is getting a bit arthritic in the hands?

That makes a lot of sense actually, thank you! :)

Thank you! He had a good root around while he was in there as well and there’s no others brewing so I’m delighted with how it all turned out!

To be honest, I told him to take whatever he needed to get rid of it because I’m not into the whole procreation business. But at the same time, I was kind of glad I’m still symetri...symmetric....even on both sides.

I shall screenshot this and send it to my mother and 20 million aunts.