The nineties: Overpriced champagne and imaginary money.

Only a month in prison for the opportunity to beat up Rand Paul? Totally worth it.

“The children can be taken care of quickly, beautifully, and immediately,” he told reporters on the White House lawn. “The Democrats forced that law upon our nation. I hate it, I hate to see the separation between parents and children.”

Wow, what a tough sentence for Paul Manafort, who has represented Ronald Reagan, Bob Dole and many other top political people and campaigns. Didn’t know Manafort was the head of the Mob. What about Comey and Crooked Hillary and all of the others? Very unfair!

700 pages? Sounds like they printed off a single text from my mother

That sentence “The children can be taken care of quickly, beautifully and immediately” gives me chills. It just sounds so ominous.

Chin up! Things are actually going very badly for Trump on the legal front:

Not much of a surprise that this fell today, as she was just indicted on 9 counts of wire fraud today.

Eh, depends on time-frame. 700 pages in the last year, huge. 700 over his entire career that he’s owned a cellphone? Not so much.

“Doesn’t get any lower than that” says man taking children away from families seeking asylum while lying about it to deflect blame from himself.

Didn’t Trump today also say he just wants “his people” to stand up and listen when he speaks like KJU...

It was clear from the beginning, but there appear to be people in the media that still haven’t worked it out, or at least they’re not willing to say it on the record.

I was having trouble deciding whether Cohen or Manafort were the guy who hit the propeller and bounced off.

And this is not even as prominent in the news as when Obama OMFG saluted a Marine with a coffee cup in his hand. My conservative dad was ALL OVER THAT SHIT. Would not let it go. This? Not a peep.

“I’m sort of just stayin’ up like a ship!”

Sarah Sanders never takes enough heat for the stupidity she defends. If she leaves, I doubt it’ll be because it’s getting to be too much for her or because she doesn’t believe in what she does. She probably just wants to work even less and make more money.

Yes, it’s incredible he got nominated and here we are.

That’s basically been the theme, for me at least, since he won the nomination.

He later tries to pass it off as sarcasm, but remember that he also said that Putin had “great control over his country”. This was after he said that Putin “has been a leader far more than our president [Obama] has been”.

At some point, when Trump is giving the press juicy red meat, they don’t need to say “Mr. President, why did you just give us all this red meat, and why are you so terrible at this?”