See the problem here is that you're assuming way too much, like that the author knows a single thing about food and history and isn't just some smug contrarian who learned how to google "icky food" and has no real idea how to construct an interesting column. But this is the kind of writing you get when hiring someone…

"If humans evolved from something like apes or another primate, than wouldn't we see that in humans today? wouldn't we see some sections of humanity look more human and be more intelligent and other sections look more ape-like and are less intelligent..."

The worst part being all the god and angel stuff coming out of nowhere at the end. If only they had spent say, maybe, four WHOLE seasons dealing with religious themes before popping that deus ex machina on us I wouldn't be so upset.

or cocaine

"Anyone searching through rural areas of Tennessee, Pennsylvania, Utah, and Texas (areas with a high proportion of these bunkers)"

Sure, the movie could have been on the list,

Holy circular story-telling, Batman! I like the way you think.

I, too, get the sense JGL subs for bats in this one. I wouldn't be surprised if he gets killed doing so, bringing Wayne out of retirement.

They've got to double down on the doubting now that the Avengers has turned out awesome.

His midi-chlorians count? Through the roof.

Is it possible it just needs salt?

And Lord knows Chris Tucker could use the work...

Not since the Georgia O'Keefe "Blossoms" line was discontinued...

It's bad that it was probably be thinking the same thing about us...

I read that as "Conan O'Brien’s bloody, decapitating rampage" and was quite amused and alarmed. I thought maybe his hair had finally become sentient and rebelled.

The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1: Brought to you by Philly and Smucker's...

Quick and nerdy idea. Stuff a pillow in your shirt and give yourself a "Hadron" name tag. Be clumsy, bump into things and everyone can see that you're a Large Hadron Collider.