The protagonist is seemingly transfixed on…a small expository detail…that occurred chronologically before the film even begins. Why is he transfixed on this tiny detail, the importance of which is never explained to the audience?

The fact that they can sit around and discuss how terrible Rob and Chyna’s relationship is (even though it is) really confuses me.

I think I’m going to start referring to Sessions as “a less masculine Lindsey Graham” its both accurate and really seems to bug conservatives.

Somewhere out there, Aimee Osbourne is thinking, “Rob, it didn’t have to be this way.”

What Kendall is doing is surprisingly savage.

“I laughed so hard I pooped. That’s why I pooped.” ~Eric Trump

Still convinced he abuses prescription amphetamines. I feel like he’d see himself as too sophisticated for coke but could easily convince himself some uppers from a doctor are a-ok.

I have said this before and it never stops being true: Donnie sounds like someone trying to have a serious conversation on a ball of cocaine. I really can’t listen to him talk, and when I read the shit he said, he sounds like a puppy that has too many shiny objects and noise makers around it.

I’m pregnant with my first and have already prepped my best “twilight sleep” jokes for birthing class. How do I find mom friends like you? What is their habitat like? Are they good at camouflage? Is there a special password I need to be aware of? Thanks in advance.

When women start doing that to me, and hit them with the “ehn, mine’s a little on the slow side, but he’s sweet and happy, but I drank like a fish through most of my pregnancy, so [shrug!]”

I’d do the same, but I’m pretty sure the IUD string would hang out of one of my nostrils.

Excuse me while I snort my birth control off my desk.

Years ago, my Fox News-watching dad came over for a visit and gave my son Bill O’Reilly’s book for teenagers. My son said “Thanks Grandpa” and after my folks went home, my kid tossed the book in the garbage. He was 14.

“Some of my best friends have children.”

Why should you be surprised that he doesn’t use protection? The guy has never played defense once in his life. /deadspin’ed

Story did not disappoint. (also from Dallas!)

I live in Dallas, TX. Years ago, Dallas had only one area code, 214. Eventually, they expanded and added a second area code, 972 and thus they began requiring 10-digit dialing instead of just 7 digits. If you forgot to dial the area code and just dialed the last 7 digits, it was random as to whether you would be…

See also the hidden fuckery with various federal databases in addition to the census. This bill for instance passed quietly a few months back and forbids collecting race as a datum in affordable housing. Oh, and it forbids federal funding (NSF) from being used to study geospatial issues in housing.

informed industry colleagues of the pending closure of the 18-year-old agency

You have no idea how much I hate that I’m here telling you that your plan is brilliant and thank you for caring about your kiddos so much. Also considering carrying a couple lollipops in my purse just in case I need to keep my own kids quiet in an emergency sometime.