I think he's misread his room. The Elizabeth of 1975 (hell, maybe the Phillip of 1975) would have jumped all over this plan.

Well, if he were to go above their heads (if he can) then they would be in trouble. I think that's why they didn't pull a gun on him to make him do it

Holy Crap! I just realized something!

Crystal Bernard, Farrah Forke and Amy Yasbeck? I'm in

Good on you. Julia Roberts usually kills my boners

Yeah, you either suck at it or you were assaulting her. Either way, walk away

Sounds like you're a texter

And her friend might be too!

Yeah, I see nothing that would inspire me to buy another streaming service.

Wild guess: there was no friend fighting. There was her texting her friend something along the lines of "Why did I agree to this date? This guy is awful" and them plotting ways for her to get out.

There needs to be an etiquette book on this: "For women, every 5 non-emergency texts in a movie that the other person chose, you agree to anal or roadhead"

Yeah, I was all set to roll my eyes at the "I felt unsafe" because someone said, "Hey, don't text, little snowflake" but it sounds like her Spidey Sense was going off.

The proper response is:
1) Ask her to stop texting
2) Grit your teeth and ignore it as best you can when she refuses
3) End the date immediately after the movie and say, "Just so you know, my penis is a Grower AND a Shower. You lose. Your friend sounds like an asshole too"
4) Don't sue.
5) Don't contact her family…

I wanted his voice so badly.

OK, but if you were going to make it…

Well, I'm going with the idea that Phillip and Elizabeth have screwed Tuan up even further. I mean, for Elizabeth to be all "yaassss…. go on" when he's talking about this is messed up.

My fellow Russian spy wife is way hotter than you. I'm reading books on the outside just to keep up with her. During training, I had to let a 60-year-old fat man screw me and you know what? I think of him to get through sex with you.

Phil has a "I'd rather be screwing my wife instead of you" hangover.

I think it may be revealed that Tuan is a bigger talker than doer. He may have more difficulty pulling it off than he thinks.

How will she find out the truth? There is no Internet.