It's Norm MacDonald.

Aren't the Muppets actually always lip syncing?

3:16 would be heavenly.

Not all crime is necessarily bad.

Has anyone actually been to grammar school?

Challenge accepted.

You've mastered a dead tongue, but can you handle a live one?

So what color of goop will be used now?

Leave him alone. He's my friend.

Woke up like a douche in the middle of the night.

Yes. The ta-ta's made me do it.

Uhg... why keep going on and on and on about it?

Slap it every time it uses one of the products incorrectly.

Ah hell. This ought to really get your panties in a bunch then.

What a Stupidly Disrespectful MLK Day article.

That is just hideous.

"I smoke a pipe occasionally"

I hear that there is a theoretical max of only 36 jizzaBytes.

Why not just plug it once into the tree?

I heard that if you leave it in the sun for too long it starts to yellow.