Y2K bug has finally hit, sixteen years later.

Stop, Matt.

Damn that’s commitment to a soda. I had a Geocities page devoted to the Smashing Pumpkins page in 1998.

Wow, that's a big gap, Billy. Ah, he looks so old when he's standing next to her. It makes me feel old.

No, I don't think so...I loved his weird long hair, too. He looks like such a typical Malibu gay now, hahah. Bless him and his corny music and his beautiful, beautiful voice.

You think that was worrisome?

I had a Geocities website devoted to Tab in 1997- you had to shotgun a Tab to get into the club. We all shotgunned them outside the van we got super ripped in before watching A New Hope re-release in the theater and I have a super great photo of that still somewhere in the land of printed 4x6 heaven.

Ohhhh, high school…

But would the younger doggies understand that the droopy pants style originated from the dog pound and didn’t really make you a bad ass dog?

I remember once ordering off for one of those autograph-worthy glossies of Savage Garden, and it taking like a month and a half of angsty waiting to arrive. And then being totally heartbroken by what a bad photo of Darren it turned out to be....AH YOUTH!

I would have written SO much Mary Sue fanfiction about Guns ‘N Roses. And posted it under my real name. Along with all my super deep suicide poetry, and even deeper musings about how deep I was. And it would have lived on the Internet forever. Thank the good lord I’m old enough that that wasn’t possible back then.

Kid, I’ve have seen some shit that will turn your ass white! What you described is really tame and probably appeals to a lot of people. Maple syrup tastes good, pinguins are cute, and warehouses are a common setting.

Hirsch insists that Gutierrez can choose her sex partners, as well as “the type of sex you want to have and how many movies you ultimately appear in.”

your dad is so fucking cute

ahhhhhhhh ok then. It’s like every story I was seeing on this was making it sound like he was caught between a rock and a hard place. My dad is into the show as well, I’m sure we’ll discuss sheldon’s non-predicament at length over the holiday.

I obsessively read those GoT feminist think pieces. When the rest of the world can’t stop itself from kissing GoT’s ass, they are the only thing that make me feel like I’m not losing my mind.

I like this classification system of cannibalism, PG-13 Cannibalism, Network Television cannibalism (best kind IMO) Cable cannibalism, R Cannibalism.

“Weird how nobody’s in the mood for a little light gnawing of human flesh in mid-December?”

If I let him stick it in my ass, do I finally get the pony I always wanted?

I would! We’d drink eggnog out of Mason jars before lighting some tobacco flower candles, putting some Mumford and Sons vinyl on the turntable, and banging under a string of Christmas lights (white only, of course). He would be good at oral but prone to blurting out cheesy porno-isms like “hnggh, baby, yeah, lick that…

Yeah, I’d be a HO, HO, HO for that Santa.