TL;DR: Never own a car with keyless entry.

I'm just going to leave this here:

Dat ass tho...

Can somebody explain to me how Vergara’s schtick isn’t roundly panned as a minstrel show? It’s like Lucille Ball crossed with Speedy Gonzales, but less subtle.

;)

This might make Frank happier than anything else that transpired tonight.

Since Billy wrote this, I'm assuming that Young Thug hates MLS as much as he loves money.

I hope he earmarked a little of that for taxes

It took the hospital 8 hours to officially pronounce him dead because he was so good at flopping.

Forced sterilization is wrong. Sterilization as a choice to avoid jail time is fine.

I used to have a job roasting chickens at a market to make chicken salad. I typically cooked 16 a day.

I notice that making one unstoppable at Halo wasn't on the list.

Considering the shady circumstances in which Belichick jumped ship from the Jets to the Patriots, the organization shouldn't be so quick with tampering accusations.

Hey, Brand Management is an issue that affects us all.

For future reference, calling it "swinging" makes it sound like 100 times creepier.

that the cars in the left column are just as capable as the cars in the right column and that the drivers are also just as capable.

And a giant TapOut decal on the back window of your bro truck adds penis length.

'90s NBA basketball was the best kind of basketball. No one will convince me otherwise.

Even if you front on the Knicks (LOLZ at class, as if the Bulls, or any of the Eastern teams were choirboys), most folks look back on Mason with reverence, he was a standout character in a era full of characters. Who you've insisted should get fucked by John Starks' dick. While he's on his deathbed.