I can't decide if I prefer that to what I usually got. From strangers, cat calls and whistles. From male (ex)friends, "c'mon dyke, you'll make a super awesome wingman."

"Bi now, gay later" is deeply necessary for a lot of people who come from more conservative communities and struggle with internalized homophobia. It's part of the coming out process, and honestly can't even get lumped into the same category as the conversation we're having here, from my perspective. …

Ok, I get your point (and I'm trying hard to not take it personally so thank you for the clarification at the beginning of your comment) but, what's on the flipside: when do we step in and call out bi and pan (or lesbian or straight or anything at all) women for their performative behavior that feeds into the straight…

I'm going to try hard to be respectful and polite, but whoa, there's a lot to unpack in your comment.

I'm pushing 30 and I'm still dealing with my own sexuality too. It's a process for some people, and a lot like it's easier for us to forgive or support people struggling with mental health issues or something like that, it's easier for us to support and respect other people's sexual identities and orientations…

If that's the case, then the explanation shouldn't be bisexuality, it should be exhibitionism and BDSM play. One is problematic and makes life more difficult for other queer folks. One doesn't.

I LOVE that. Mind if I borrow it? It's a lot better and less gendered than "My orientation isn't slut" and rolls of the tongue easier than "My orientation is bisexual, not yousexual."

Being an exhibitionist though is different than identifying as bisexual. I can see how someone, especially someone young and questioning their sexual identity, may confuse the two, but they aren't the same thing and aren't mutually exclusive or inclusive.

Like a couple of others said, and like I pointed out in my first comment, it's not my place to dictate anyone's sexuality, especially in terms of sex acts (would you say that a gay man who doesn't like anal sex isn't gay?). But because their performative behavior impacts the way I am perceived, I'm allowed to…

It's being closeted because of the behavior of others, for all that it's not the same type of behavior that keeps many LGBTQ+ people closeted. And I feel like that gives us the right to object and call out the behavior for what it does to stereotypes and the community at large. That's not judgement, that's critical…

That's a good point and one I hadn't examined too closely. But it makes me worry even more for both "nerd girls" and bisexual women, if a young-ish generation of people are continuing to feel like they need to be performative like that. I get the pressure to perform my nerdiness sometimes (not often and never in my…

I'm not judging, per se. I am being analytical and critical of the way that their behavior reflects on "being bisexual". The stereotypes about bisexual people (on top of bierasure) are profoundly damaging, and their behavior plays into it. They are not responsible for the health of the whole community, and I get…

I wasn't allowed in my university's LGBTQ+ group because I wasn't gay enough.

You were way more articulate about that than I was. I can blame the lack of coffee, right?

I think it's a little bit of that, and it's a little bit of the college/post college mentality. There's so much pressure to be performative with sex and sexuality in both of those environments that it makes sense? The hard part for me is that the guys at our shop are the BEST. They are very supportive and not at…

Sadly, it's happened the most at the ladies' night at my comic shop. I'm officially an Old there (at almost 29) and I've heard several young women (mostly under 25) talk about how awesome being bi is almost like you'd say "Isn't having naturally perky tits amazing?"

Not sure if anyone else has had the experience of listening to a self-identified bisexual woman talk about how much she loves the attention that her sexuality affords her...but...what the fuck is up with that?

Next time, you send me said selfie. Toby and I will send back an assessment. He can be paid in bacon, but I'll do it for free.

Were they hiding behind the Pogs?

Thankfully, no.