Watch out y'all Becky's drunk! Oh no Becky stahp! BECKY WHY?!

Have you ever read a random article online and by the end of it realized that you've gone to bars & backyard barbecues with a guy who killed someone at a wedding because he's a close relative to your best friend's boyfriend?

No? Just me then? Ok.

I made him into a gif. Tell me that isn't creepy.

I'm CC-ing this to Cara Delevingne

Yeah, I can't stand traveling with picky eaters. Or hanging out with them on a regular basis, really. I love my sis-in-law but she is SO picky and it drives me nuts. No ethnic food, no sea food, no "weird" (read: higher end) food. It's so frustrating. When I was dating I had a no picky eater policy and put it on my…

OMG! I can pretend I'm eating smurfs!? That sounds excellent and a great way to develop a god complex.

When I worked at a Jewish deli a guy asked for aioli on his sandwich because he was, "deathly allergic to mayonnaise."

And punching the table and pulling your hair.

"In my experience spoiled food isn't too big a deal if you're unaware/don't give any fucks. You know, placebo effect shit."

THESE FUCKING PEOPLE.

Pizza doesn't grow on trees?!

I'm ordering my next pizza with pepperahnees, just for you.

I go to a sushi place that serves purple cauliflower tempura. I go there just for that! Purple cauliflower is the best.

I worked with a guy who ate a hamburger every day for lunch and pizza every night for dinner. I was in the office kitchen cutting up a peach one day and he came in and asked "Is that a peach?" As if I was cutting open some really exotic foodstuff. I told him it was and he said "I should try one some time." I offered…

And yet…there he was, at my dinner table, staring down fresh-caught grouper like I had served him a roasted book.

One of my friends told me a story about a friend of his from elementary school once. This kid ate nothing by hamburgers every day, for years. The doctor told his mother, "eh wtf, just let him eat whatever he wants." And all he wanted was hamburgers. Everyday, for every meal. My friend told me this and I said "wait,…

One of my tables yesterday kept ordering foe-kay-sha bread.

"I was in kindergarten."

I remember not knowing what cauliflower was. It was served in a veggie dish and I was like "what the hell??" because my family never served it.

"We'll split the Filet Mingon, we'll have half medium well, half rare..."