Pictured: Members of two different groups who vowed never to be burned by the Heat ever again.

So in Scientology terms is that OT6 or OT7?

How can I put this, Mikey?

Speaking from experience, I'm glad the NCAA has reduced the sanctions on Penn State. Anybody that's against sex with minors has clearly never been trapped underground.

If Sam doesn't catch on with the Cowboys, I suppose he is always able to join the Indians, Construction Workers, Sailors or Police Officers.

Looks like the Harbaugh Bros got a pair of Ray Bans

Well, the Trojan is broken, but at least he pulled the little guy out in time.

You can tell he's drunk since he's making a pass.

Current CEO Broomhilda Von Schweepenstein has assured me that everything is on the up and up-nothing has been swept under the rug.

You laugh, but the "Ice Squegee Broom" sponsorship is looking up and the "Slippery But Not TOO Slippery" shoe company has shown more than a little interest recently.

Strange, because the funniest Greek prank is being hit in the face with a π.

1,695 words before Will gets to the only one you need:

WHAT IN THE ABSOLUTE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU

The 6 of you must get upset quite frequently.

But the bright side is that you are now the American sports journalist who was banned from the 2014 Olympics for online pics of you yanking off your knob.

*dude

Due. Can we please get editing back?

Really hope the United States Ski Jump team can get their shit together this year.