That’s what Melania said.

“Oh lord, the hypocrisy of Democrats this year reminds me why I left the party”

It would be strange if it were not still a thing, because I was led to believe that Parker Lewis can't lose.

If Cher thinks that Dr. Oz feels bound by any ethics she has not been paying attention.

If you tell my mother how to do any of this, I will kill you dead.

That makes two of us!

Are you telling me that he needs to say Bye Bye Bye to his dreams of going to space?

What is the point?! I love Mel & Sue.

Third time in saying this but a dude who brags about being a “Pioneer” aka first white dude to displace brown folks in the hood is stupid enough to take issue with straws when he participates in burning man! Which is consumption and waste for douches in the desert!

One part lipstick off my teeth, one part temperature-sensitive teeth. And one part fucking insane cats who drink out of uncovered cups/mugs.

I’m okay with someone truthfully pointing out that the Green Party has no business fielding a Presidential candidate.

Hoo boy. Definitely read the whole article, guys. It's.... really something.

Anybody who "lectures" a waiter, about anything at all, is a tool. Give your order and shut up.

“I am indignant at the use of this overly bombastic misleading shaming rhetoric! My word!”

I’m sure deep down she really respects your need to remain morally pure.

Sam Bee is not obligated to support your quixotic dream of remaking our democracy at the expense of our actual democracy.

Ok ABC. Just end the competition now, give Laurie the mirror ball trophy, and give us 8-10 weeks of Laurie and Val dancing for an hour.

Sing-A-Song-Of-Mike-Pence

I’m too burned out on this election to say something edifying so fuck this guy and fuck the other guy too.

The problem with “flattering” is that what it usually means is dressing in a way that gets you as close as possible to an arbitrary and impossible patriarchal beauty standard. It essentially asks women to apologize and compensate for what we naturally look like. We should strive to dress in ways that make us feel good…