He also reportedly tried to reason with officers by explaining he was a Disney stockholder

...You were supposed to hardboil the eggs beforehand?

I had a much longer spiel planned, but instead I’ll just say this: modern “mineral” sunscreens rely heavily on their ability to absorb UVB rays (the ones that cause sunburns), just like “chemical” sunscreens.

I wanted to hate the Trump office, but it wasn’t bad.

Not specific to driving, but I’m one of those “all in one go” grocery unloaders. It’ll be a cold day in hell before I become a reasonable person and make two trips from my car to my house instead of trying to hang a full bag of groceries off of each finger while hugging another three bags in my arms.

Just in case any of y’all were thinking about turning gay, of course

Man, and I thought the pastor who officiated our friend’s wedding:

As an adult who hates surprises, I still appreciate it when people use the PREP method on me, too.

Thanks! That really counting on that selective amnesia-- it must be pretty powerful or else I don’t know how anyone would try having a second kid.

Agreed, this is toxic positivity to the core.

Oh, I’m totally ready for her to be mobile and verbal. I always ask my husband if we could fast-forward to when she’s 7. The infant guessing game and chauffeuring  is exhausting to me and the cute moments don’t quite make up for it.

I’ve had to tell myself again and again that nothing is forever with kids and found that the thought is both comforting and bittersweet. The sleepless nights, the blow-outs, and the seemingly endless spit up will all pass, along with the cuddles and long naps in the lap.

Our newborn seems to exert some weird time dilation on us where time is both short and long.

Oh damn, this is really enlightening!

At a certain point you have to remember they’re stock phrases and that not every 30 second exchange with someone you only know by sight in the hallway is going to be an amazing, supportive discussion of your inner life.

If Mazda (or anyone) brought back the MPV or their Mazda5 minivan, I’d buy it in a heartbeat. We don’t have room in our garage for a minivan because they’re too wide and our garage is heinously narrow, but I can’t deny the practicality of sliding doors— especially if you have kids that just like to fling them open.…

My mom will call immediately after I send a text. It’s just something I’ve grown to accept, and she’s only mildly offended if I dismiss her call. I suspect it’s because she doesn’t type that quickly, so it’s easier if she can just respond via audio (but does not want to leave a voice message either).

This was me 1000x, down to the friends who would send single letter “k” texts for the hell of it, and a dime.

100% this. The white noise machine fuzzes out trivial sounds that would otherwise seem so jarring in otherwise dead silence.

Makes sense. Thanks for the clarification!