One time I took Advil and became the Son of Sam.

Check your chin privilege ffs

Oh god no! Powdered sugar frosting always and forever.

Pronounces Day-A-Ron like Key and Peele.

My grandfather was in his 80's when he made a facebook page for his dog, which he routinely updated with posts from his dog's point of view.

Thank you for decoding what this rando was trying to say

Adultosaur, you are my favorite. I love you.

ok so everything you wrote is wrong, in the very basic, grammatical sense, but you don't seem to be aware that a kitchenette is not a girly kitchen, or a kitchen for bitchez, but a small kitchen.

We're probably less omnivorous than pigs. They can literally eat ANYTHING including dubiously old carrion and their own piglets and/or mates which they can kill with their really quite sharp teeth.

I mean, we could test this with a man vs pig, but i'm not sure if the vomiting from eating the week old crow would make…

In 2009 my little brother lost his job. With very few immediate job prospects in a very limited field, he took a social acquaintance up on the offer of a job at a local restaurant. The friend's family owned a regional chain. My brother had never really worked in the food industry before, but our parents ran a small…

I'll just leave this here:

It's just extra sleazy when companies the size of McD's skimp on safety and first aid. You can put basic non-slip mats everywhere they need to be for at most a few hundred bucks. And refilling the band-aids and disinfectant and burn cream costs less than the daily pay of one minimum-wage worker.

duh i meant not those things

That's what I tell myself. Luckily I work in a small branch in a bleak neighborhood in a profession that has degraded to the point where no one cares what you wear to work anymore as long as it's ripped, lycra or sweatpants.

Me too! I keep thinking now that I'm over 40 I should start dressing like a grown up, but then I see some Doctor Who/H.P.Lovecraft/Studio Ghibli mash up shirt, and I'm all , like, "DUDE!"

the last e

Says the woman wearing a goddamn feather boa...

barfing is declasse

god why am i not a lawyer

i take your list and i pee on it