The Burp King of Westchester ties the two together. But now he's the Vampire Burp King of Pacific Palisades.

You call that thing a cock?

No.

Well, we know Ben Carson is a dangerous knife-, bat-, and rock-wielding maniac, so we've got a villain. He can be played by Kathy Bates.

If you want to go truly dark, AHS: Waffle House.

It really is just a matter of when each season of this show will go bad, not if. It came perilously close for me in weeks 3 and 4, but last week brought it back from the brink. But tomorrow is another day, as it were.

This had only been out for two weeks? It seems like it came and went months ago.

Who is Oprah's audience these days? She hangs over the cultural landscape like an Olympian god in the 5th century; she is a puzzling shadow from the past that somehow still elicits dread or awe in a people which has moved on.

I am not going to get dragged into this quagmire.

Just repeat to yourself "It's just a show; I should really just relax."

I'm good with the idea of new on-screen talent. I loved, and still love, this show, through all of its iterations, and so long as the writers room is stacked with veteran talent, I'm on board.

I rather like the idea of a shared universe incorporating New Radio, Parks and Recreation and Superman.

Wait, Stephen Root is on this show?

This is going to sound weird, but it wasn't until just now that I realized that Michael Jai White and Jai Courtney are two different people. There are obvious differences, of course, but if you'd shown me a picture of one and said the other guy's name, I would have been none the wiser.

At least I'm not locked in there with Ben Carson. His knife fever is the stuff of legends.

It can go up against the Gwen Stefani-helmed Buffalo Bill remake.

Merry Christmas, eighth generation after the death of Alexander the Great! I hope you like the story!

With all those flags, I think that's the Rebel, er, Resistance HQ. We've seen Poe in there with Leia and C-3PO, which leads me to think his Manchurian Candidate moment comes near the end of the film.

Your smile will cancel out their frown, though, so it's like nothing happened.

If that is Lupita Nyong'o's voice, we're straying dangerously close to magical negro by proxy territory.