Your first mistake is booking with Frontier.

I admit that the way Jared Leto handles the Joker is great as it reminds me of Heath Ledger’s version in the way he talks. However, the tattoos are meh as if the rumors are true in which Leto is playing the DKR Joker. That version of the Joker is too much of a metrosexual to get tattoos on his forehead.

Not gonna lie that last shot of his Joker was pretty damn cool.

I almost exclusively talk to my mom in the car 1) so my husband doesn’t have to listen to me chat with my mom all the time about a combination of nothing/my life/him and 2) because I have negative cell phone reception in my house so otherwise I wouldn’t talk to her at all.

Dear Unwitting,

Prior to cell phones, nobody ever hunched over for hours while looking at an object, gripping it with their thumbs.

Why are we continuing to teach them how to do things? When the end comes and a raccoon steals your bike and you’re left at the side of the road with the zombies/four horsemen, you’re going to be mad you taught her that.

And at the end, Melanie is all “Where’s my treat? I performed for you. WHERES MY GODDAMN TREAT?!?!” I love Melanie.

Things I would prefer BEFORE I prefer thinner Oreos:

Every time I think we reached the final pit of tragedy in this story, there seems to be yet another layer.

I love me some 90s Bobby Brown. But I can’t imagine seeing him in concert at this moment in his life. Its too upsetting.

I watched Veep, ate a sleeve of saltines, and had some caramel almond praline ice cream.

I’m not doing anything. I was off most of this week and already did my partying this week. I know at least two neighbors will be doing major fireworks things, but I’m thinking I might just give myself a mani/pedi, take a cool shower with my new awesome smelling body wash, facial and watch a movie.

I do not have plans because I am single and all my friends are coupled. So I am the extra wheel, which I didn’t want to be. I am at home drinking wine and Jezebel-ing.

Because no one has such fragile relationships that not wasting time with nonsense pleasantries fractures them. I am against all such things. Like people that come into the office and say good morning. Work together 250 days a year for thousands of hours and years on end. Don’t need to announce your existence where…

I’m not american, but since this is your holiday and all, i thought it fitting to ask you people a question about your country.

Skip: Chestnut didn’t bring A game. Too complacent. Thought he could show up & and win. Lost clutch gene this year. Stonie is new dog in town.

Same.

You forgot to mention that half the Starlight girls were unbelievable a-holes which is why she had so much trouble with them. Especially that Ba-Nee. Jerrica almost gets herself killed repeatedly on a movie set so she can get you $500,000 lasik surgery so you don't go blind and all you whine about for 3 years is how…