I am a public school teacher. I am sitting at my desk, which is in a classroom in a public school full of minorities and SpEd students, and I am weeping. I have about 9 minutes left on my lunch break, and I don’t know that I can pull it together in time. I am crushed, absolutely gutted. I am afraid for my students, I…

Third rule in Latino families: leave your wife after she donates her organs to you.

This was the most inspired move by SNL in a long time. You just know its going to get under EVERYONE’S skin in the Trump Admin. Everyone knows Trump watches SNL like a hawk, here’s hoping next week’s Alec Baldwin ep is 100% Trump jokes. They fucking owe it to us after giving Dear Leader a whole show to himself.

Fun fact: the people who will be pissed off by this skit also think the girl Ghostbusters ruined their childhood. 

She was so great; no mistakes, flubbed lines or delays, and total commitment to the character.

Nothing cements a bond like simulated anal.

He looks like the clog of hair my husband has to dig out of the shower drain every couple of months.

If she didn’t fake her first pregnancy, she wants us to think she faked her first pregnancy. I mean, come on. All her proof is headless or blurry not very convincing pictures. At this point, it is possible she is faking faking her pregnancy. It is fake pregnancy inception.

Best things about it: Winona Ryder’s expressions.

Department of Defense:

I actually like this song and video. WTF is wrong with me?

Kingston lives for a good rawhide, but Apollo is happy just to hump the sofa cushions.

I very much believe every bit about Robin Thicke. He’s a real chode. I hope someone shaves his head. It doesn’t sound like much, but you just know he would fucking die inside.

But his meetings now begin at 9 a.m., earlier than they used to, which significantly curtails his television time. Still, Mr. Trump, who does not read books, is able to end his evenings with plenty of television.

Good guys in tights saving the world from the evil Nazis

Jew, reporting in! Guess who has two thumbs, a futon, and endless empathy for a refugee narrative? *this mensch*

My county (Montgomery County in MD) is staying a sanctuary city no matter what and I’m so damn proud of the people representing me right now. I will say it’s a wealthier county so it won’t be hurt as much as some others from the lack of federal funding.

Just hide the immigrants and refugees in libraries, H&R Block and sexual harassment prevention classes. Trump will never find them there.

#thatprotestsign

Do you think Selena has to call him “the Weeknd?” Like, “the Weeknd... have you seen my car keys?”