Are we sure the exhibit doesn’t smell like patchouli and weed, tho?

.. and something interesting, perhaps in a glass, to calm the nerves and inspire creative ideas ...

I am all over the caftan. Not the pastel floral sheer festival and flower crown caftan. The drunken grand dame lounging amidst her art collection with 5 lbs of jewelry, a turban, full makeup, and a loud-ass print caftan.

I asked a guy who catcalled me at 6am at the gas station on my way to work, “Do you actually expect me to fuck you? Right here, right now? Or are you just trying to scare the shit out of me and make me think you might rape me? Are you a wannabe rapist? Really?” He looked very embarrassed and I’d like to think he’ll…

SAME HERE. My number 1 reaction to anger and frustration is to cry. I think I’ve shed more angry tears than sad tears in my life and that is really saying something.

I now have this fabulous image of two rappers, both weeping into their mikes and sitting on the stage wailing “How? HOW COULD YOU SAY THAT TO ME?”

Back when I smoked, I got the chance to go to a fancy conference as an intern. The only other person that smoked at this job was the executive director, and I had to walk by her desk to take a smoke break. She would insist on going out to smoke with me and it was 50/50 she would bum a cigarette off me. As a result, I…

Why, once I was chatting with my own dear mother - okay, complaining bitterly about this and that. I exclaimed "Why didn't you just strangle me at birth?" "Well, I always assumed that eventually somebody else would do it for me," she replied.

I don’t know if this counts as a burn, but my 5 year old niece had a kid at school that was making fun of her during recess. Really childish stuff (fittingly) but it was really getting to her. Her mom told her that the kid was just picking on her to get a reaction out of her. So at school the next day she confronted…

This little bit of Hollywood history, be it true or too good to be true...

My 16-year-old sister looks a little bit older so she occasionally gets hit on by boys in their early 20s. At one point, this one sorry fellow tried to convince her that “age is just a number,” to which she quickly retorted, “a prison cell is just a room.”

Not especially sick or clever, but I give myself props for not walking away and muttering to myself.

In college, walking down the street smoking a cigarette. Jail guys cleaning the road catcall me and my friend, we ignore. They are persistent. One says “Hey beautiful, don’t you know smoking is bad for you??”

I LIVE IN LA! I WANT THE JOB. I AM AN AWESOME TYPER AND I HAVE THE SHORT STUBBY NAILS OF A MOUNTAIN TROLL PLUS I AM AWESOME.

I live in Los Angeles, have long ass nails 80% of the time, and can train you on the ways of typing and texting. I SHALL BE YOUR MANICURE YODA.

I confess to loving the Bubble Bath from Avon. My kids and I all have sensitive skin, and between the bubble bath, the Skin So Soft bath oil, lotion and body creme, and the Moisture Therapy lotion and body creme (which was a God-send for my son’s super dry skin that would get scaly at times), Avon has the least…

I always think about Skin-So-Soft and how it used to be used to prevent Mosquito bites. I would put it on, then promptly get bit in the places where I didn’t apply it.

I did it! Er, kinda.

Oh I am ALL over this. It looks so great. I'm also a big fan of the clear polish with a sparkly gradient to the tip, I just need to get my grubby mitts on some glitters. I've only just started delving into nail art and I'm having so much fun. This is what I'm currently rocking:

Hey guys, remember the dots manicure? I did it on my toes! Sort of. It doesn't look great right now because I did it a couple weeks ago, but it's pretty good I think.