Am I a jaded old cynic for thinking this would have gone differently if he wasn't 18, a hometown boy, and white? Karim Haggui might not have gotten hugs.

Sure you can, this is Deadspin, humor can be mined out of anything. Look, I made another one regarding Jameis Winston during the Rose Bowl, funny enough to garner 866 stars. Scoreboard, motherfucker.

"How could you let that guy in the building?" - Assistant Manager, Red Lobster

BJ is a slang term for oral sex received by a male.

Get this:

hey! You posted your joke twice! Nice work.

With BOTH of the Busch-league Bros out, the average IQ of the field will be up a couple of points!

Damn those pesky "contracts"—with openly negotiated "terms"—in which injured, sick or disabled employees receive "pay" in strict accordance with said legally binding "terms." So greedy!

Congratulations, this is the dumbest comment on Deadspin today!

I had the exact same issue around this time last year. I am 27 years old, had no leg injuries (blood clots often begin in your legs and work their way into your lungs and if you are unlucky, your heart) and had incredible pain in my chest. I thought I had bruised my sternum or something, but after almost six months of…

Agreed.

Guys with tribal tattoos and Bluetooth headsets are douchebags. This guy is just a worthless piece of shit.

this year it's warranted, both are top-15 teams

He might have only 8 followers, but they have the same amount of Super Bowl rings.. so there is that.

@battman_returns you got 8 followers bruh your own family don't even want to know what you doin! Get better at life!

Ida is on Netflix and I could not recommend it strongly enough. Absolutely gorgeous use of digital black and white.

I would also like to be held in winter. Or summer. Or any time, really.

OK, can we stop calling 48 year old men "Ball Boys". Dude probably makes more per year than half the country....

Eh, fuck it. $10,000 is a decent chunk of change. Even at his salary, that's probably still a whole paycheck. It's not going to break him, not even close. But it will keep him from speaking his mind more often. 5 or 6 of those a season and he would probably start feeling it. If some dumbass college kids really…

I wouldn't be surprised if that was a contractual thing. You hear it on football broadcasts all the time. They never, ever say 'the ball' or 'the game'. It's always 'the football' or 'the football game'. If I'm watching the Patriots play the Broncos, I already know they're playing football. But the announcers say…