My cat is so lazy she won’t even disturb a Pidgey.

I’m a little weirded out by how accurate this is:

My first born child busted my pussy. Not sexy. I was afraid to shit for the next week.

Justin really is a great charismatic actor and has always upgraded whatever role he was in.

My dormmate and I watched Passions RELIGIOUSLY my freshmen year of college

I LOVE Justin Hartley, and blonde haired blue eyed white men either a) bore me. or b) freak me out. But I love him, I want bb to win. Go Justin.

Go with your petty side. #teampetty

YES! but i’ve been on team Jennifer for 12 years, and we’re finally getting a win.

I will read all of these stories with impunity because I am, at last, vindicated in my loathing for Brangelina.

My immediate first thought also. Team Jen 4eva.

I genuinely cackled with that one, it’s gloriously adorable fear!

... Does that mean that like playing with my belly button too much, I will unravel and my butt will fall off? :D

Deployment tan, it’s the government farmer’s tan

Fine. Still fuck your better housing and being treated like grown adults, at least relative to us. :)

She moves like a newborn giraffe.

These people are who now?

I just find Ina Garten so insufferable.

“Bob’s Burgers” is so fun. And that actually sounds like it could be an interesting class. I’m on my fourth psychology class in a row. Talk about a buzzkill.

Also, same on that. No one would go to the garlic festival! So I got a burrito and watched Harry Potter. It's on all weekend!

I CANT FUCKING WAIT TO WATCH THIS AS SOON AS IM DONE WORK!!!!!!!!!!!!!