Hey, Generic White Guy Hot is still hot.

But instead of wasting time talking about who gets credit for your rise

My favorite of all lines

I need to borrow Jason Sudeikis' cardigan

I'm glad to hear your brother is ok, mine is too.

Ok I'm scared to look that up.

Wow are you serious? I just learned about them last week. Life is amazing.

Yeah judging by the videos it looks like they're easy to deal with

Never thought of that! Off to search!

I recently discovered tonsil stone removals on youtube, check them out.

My little brother was in NICU for two months after he was born (premature twin). I would visit him and the smell of little newborns mixed with sanitized machines always made me want to vomit.

Exactly

how am I only now realizing what a terrible name "Tris" is?

I just watched season 1 last month. Why didn't you guys tell me about Broad City sooner? I'm not upset, I'm disappointed.

Classic comedy.

What are everyone's experience with the ortho evra patch? I was on it years ago and I don't remember any bad side effects (though that could just be because I blocked them out). Now I started on the patch again last month and have had ZERO sex drive. Like nothing. Like Chris Pratt wouldn't have a chance right now. I'm…

If it doesn't work out you can sell it online and get most of your money back.

The day of your wedding you should just walk around backwards because the back of that dress is a STAR!

No I got him on the disciplined regimen, though if it were medically necessary for my son to be on medication, you'd be a real fucking asshole right now. Good thing that's not the case.

1. I did, that's why my son doesn't do "tantrums"