Fuck that I'm watching my friend slowly auto-destruct, and there doesn't seem to be anything anyone can do about it. They keep swapping out support groups. They seem physically incapable of following through on a job application. They've become so aggressive and unpleasant in person that they're alienating everyone…

Chinese takeout, frozen pizza, pork rinds, ketchup chips, mushroom beer, cocktails… Has anyone already expressed concern over The AV Club's apparent eating habits?

Chow Yun Frankenstein?

His other two weapons are surprise, ruthless efficiency, and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope.

Wouldn't they be banned under the general prohibition against all things Star Trek?

I had completely forgotten that Zach and Miri was Kevin Smith and not Judd Apatow.

Will there be a comic where Bruce Wayne feeds that perception by running for President with the most ill-considered campaign imaginable?

"We know Batman has to be based in Gotham, since he rarely operates outside of it, and gives petty theft within it higher value than more violent crimes in other cities. We know he has to be a billionaire because there's no other way he could afford all of these gadgets. Our very small list of billionaires in Gotham…

[Sighs in relief, crosses @Douay-Rheims-Challoner off list of 'People to Flamethrow-Guitar']

What if someone wants to die in space? Asking for a friend.

Man, those are the worst shows. Then they ask you what you thought, and you have two choices: make up some bullshit about how it wasn't awful, or admit that you didn't like it and have them say, "Well, good! We were trying to be terrible!"

Hell, that almost sounds like an inoffensive way to spend a Tuesday night. I'd do it once.

Well, man, like… YOU'RE a corporate product! Just because you directed The Hunt for Red October and The 13th Warrior, you think you can… can…

In school, we once showed Anastasia to our Russian tutor, a very sweet, very smart, and very pretty woman from St. Petersburg. She was appalled by the complete lack of historical accuracy. She didn't hate it as much as she hated Rocky IV, though.

The article has been up for four hours, but It's Never Too Late to make bad puns.

[The Doof Warrior searches comment thread frantically for Steppenwolf puns and is shocked to find almost none]

It really is a monstrosity. My girlfriend still uses it as an example of ill-advised decisions: "Is this a fun-bad decision, like staying up all night watching movies, or a bad-bad decision, like the Cheeseburger Big Bite?"

My stomach was trained by old-style cafeterias to consume anything. I've tried cuisines from Cape Horn to Singapore. I've eaten street food in third world countries. I've drunk tap water in Russia and Mexico. Yet both times I've eaten at Taco Bell gave me the worst gastrointestinal distress I've ever had to suffer…

Prince has always been an emblem of the process where I defined my own musical tastes as I grew out of childhood. As a kid, my parents didn't really like Prince, so I assumed that I must not really like Prince. Then on a road trip, we heard "When Doves Cry" on the car radio, and I asked, "Whoa, who is this? This is…

What, you don't admire the craftsmanship that went into an artisan, handcrafted geek dating site? Philistines like you shouldn't even sign up!