And Davante Adams, you’re up in the next round.

Wait, I’m confused – if Cris Carter could change one thing from his NFL career, it would be, um, “Fuck Buddy Ryan”?

Yes. Instead of saying “don’t be an entitled asshole who thinks he can get away with any crime,” he’s saying “you are entitled assholes who can get away with most crimes, just don’t get caught.”

Cris Carter... Jesus, think of all the times this asshole took the moral high ground on young players. Like with Josh Gordon, saying he needs help - what he fucking needed was a fall guy. Stop acting like you care, Mr. Carter.

“An’ I regret all them drug tests they said I failed.”

I’ve got news for you, bud: the way that smells, it ain’t finger paint.

This is the worst informational session for rookies I can possibly imagine.

Maybe one of the rookies hired Warren Sapp to be his fall guy. DUH.

The above video was on NFL.com until this afternoon, when they deleted it.

Warren Sapp clearly was not listening closely.

“What if I just kill everybody?”

I think the bigger/stronger/faster is part of it....you can’t make the ligaments stronger. So with the larger bodies and bigger muscles, you’re putting more torque on the same ligaments, so they pop/tear easier. The upshot is that a guy can recover and come back close to the same, if not fully or better. Used to be…

Your screenname seems appropriate

The worst thing about this whole thing is that Sark was drinking Fireball.

“Ooh, I’m really sorry.”

this walking lactose-intolerance fart

The worst. There was this one song called Mother Trucker that she hummed all the time. She hummed it like it was a gospel song, she even closed her eyes while doing it sometimes. God I hated that woman. I bet she tells people that I’m her black friend so she can’t be racist.

Crazy with the baby or the one in the pink hat? My hatred remains either way, but just you know, for clarification.

Except give him a fake nuke code that Will trigger fireworks that spell YOU’RE FIRED.

Wow, I worked with this woman. She always changed the office Pandora station to country music. Not the good kind either, the new kind where women are compared to trucks and beer. I tried to be diplomatic and put on a top 40 radio station, but she always changed it back. We had so many passive aggressive stare downs.