I’ve had the shittest of mornings and his made me snort-laugh out loud. Thank you for some proper Kinja.

Youngest person would work as well. In my personal, completely subjective experience, young men are the most likely to not be paying any attention at all to their surroundings and are most chagrined when they notice a visibly pregnant lady they didn’t offer a seat to therefore making them the fastest to stand up.

If you’re showing and no one offers a seat find the youngest guy in the car and ‘accidentally’ bump into him when the train lurches (it helps if you rub your belly). Works every time.

God has, hands down, the worst fan club.

Can we please stop being cruel to kids for the amusement of adults?

I didn't know that! That is so sweet!!! 

Every. Single. Win. 

preach 

I’m sorry. Do you sit on a horse while painting on a canvas, or are you literally painting the horse with, like, horse-safe paint? I can’t get this out of my head. (horse painting aside, this is an excellent and super creepy story!!)

I was in my third undecided year of undergrad, running low on gen-ed classes, and getting really stressed about What I Was Going To Do With My Life. I waited tables at the time and one slow night got into a conversation with an old guy about my general lack of direction. He told me he was an engineer and that I should…

I’m about 3/4 of the way through The Testaments and news like this is not helping my general level of resting state rage. 

good.

I would do it again, but would make some different decisions (hindsight being 20/20). It is spectacularly hard though so I do not blame anyone who choses not to reproduce or regrets that they did. Whether the drudgery is “worth it” is a deeply personal and subjective thing.

The stress caused by trying to sleep in a position that is unnatural to you is more likely detrimental in my mind than the act of sleeping on your back.

this is definitely a thing

You realize "Millennials" are in their mid-30s now right? So, tweens through their parents sounds like a good demographic to market to. 

I will eat my hat if a Quentin Tarantino Star Trek movie hits theaters.

I also cannot understand the zeal behind Star Wars, it’s FINE. Also, The Shining is hot garbage (IMHO). The book scared the crap out of me as a teen and when I got around to seeing the movie I thought it was a spoof. 

Good.

Exactly