You sound like the kind of guy I'd like to buy a drink. Thanks for being a reasonable human being! (And hope your bruises heal fast - I rolled my ankle after a few too many six fucking weeks ago and my foot is still sprained.)

If you got so drunk that a mugger noticed and decided to take advantage of that, a lawyer wouldn’t attempt to use your drunkenness to get the mugger off charges.

One reason we get so annoyed about this is because we can follow all these dumb rules and still get raped. I’ve got friends who’ve been raped drunk. I’ve got friends who’ve been raped sober. I’ve got friends who’ve been raped by strangers. I’ve got friends who’ve been raped by friends. People want to set up all these…

I got blackout drunk last weekend. Here are some things I apparently did in that state:

Got to disagree here. I thought the primary function of Saunder’s piece was to humanize, to put a few faces and stories to the blobs we assign as “Other”. It was an important reminder that no matter where you fall—right, left, cop, protester, Trump, anti-Trump—there are always people on the other side with their own…

Social media and #activism created these self-aggrandizing, holier-than-thou shits with delusions of Herzog.

That is awful. Airport security is so dependent on who is on a power trip that day. I can’t believe that they’d make you take off a medically necessary device!

Not at all to imply that it’s a matter of such a simple solution to a sad and complex problem with multiple causes, but please do support parents in your community.

I want to put a smiley face sign in my window that indicates me as a emergency, respite child care mom. You? Go take a shower by yourself. Walk through a quiet library. Me? I’ll feed your kid muffins and have them run in the back yard until they are too tired to sass.

I would also add that Hillary did not only pull the Center Dems. I’m a progressive, and a registered independent, and I only had to glance at Bernie’s website to know he was not the candidate for me. I am not alone in this. I’ve posted it elsewhere on Jez, but this purity test liberal BS coming from the Berniecrats is…

And that is what I do now. Since the day the weevils came.

This is the answer. I always keep my flour in the freezer. A tip from my farm-raised mother.

Where were you 2 years ago!??!?! haha.

This image just made me double check all my teeth with my tongue. they are still there.

If the FDA would like to recommend a better way to eat my feelings I’d love to hear it.

The flour currently in my kitchen was purchased at least one move ago. Last time I moved was 2014, so my flour’s clean. Bring on the cookie dough!

It's that same raw anger that Stewart had that Trevor Noah just hasn't got going for him. John Oliver's got it, Samantha Bee has it, and so does Jessica Williams. It's like they're so genuinely incensed and shocked by current events that all they can do is channel that passion into blistering humor. I think you need…

I starred this and unstarred this so I could star this again

fuck off