If I knew Sharon Stone personally, I would high-five her for that comment.

Oh god....the "If you had just gone to college" line.

"If you had just gone to college ..."

Oh, FUCK YOU, lady. Fuck you so hard. Meanwhile Ellie Moore, you and I are BFF's now. It is decided.

The only time anyone ever dared to make a remark like this to me, I was working at Eddie Bauer on a morning shift. Some lady took umbrage to my (corporate mandated), "Wool socks are…

2/10 would not fap.

"I found Julio buck-ass naked, doing one of the celebratory war dances of his people, completely oblivious to the fact that he had almost killed us."

Not a housemate as such, but could be worse:

I've also had to throw out a roommate who had damn near set the kitchen on fire. my guy had simply passed out half-clothed on the couch while drunken-idea dinner filled the house with smoke. My dog woke me to an upstairs bedroom full of smoke. I flew downstairs, put out the (thankfully tiny) fire and proceeded to yell…

Oh my goodness, I totally lost it at the "farty MIDI trumpet sound from entry-level Casio keyboards." You sir have a talent for painting a picture with your words, I salute you.

"extremely downmarket Colombian reggaeton"

yes it is the point, because i'm a real live black person. i know you don't see them often in uppity uber-liberal extra-white communities like portland/austin/boulder. you won't find us at the subaru dealership but we exist, and lots of us call our kids "monkey", but more likely "monkey-butt". no need to get…

i'm an actual black person.

Actually, that's exactly what it looked like happened. Behind the black child's "hanger" it looks like its a white kid.

You'd be the first to start crying and using your tears as lubrication if the company only featured white faces. What the fuck do you want them to do? Put a warning sign in each box that says "do not combine monkey body with black persons face" with a wikipedia link explaining the cultural context.

A tip for those folks who end up wasting food that they've bought.

I actually really liked it! Sort of a very (very, very) distant cousin to David Foster Wallace, some interesting word choices

The semi-final solution

I'm with you on everything except the escalators. Stand to the right!!!

LOL Jezebel - where one mild comment makes someone an asshole.

Wait, so maybe it's not a good idea to replace our police force with rogue vigilantes hiding behind creepy masks?