Please don’t do this... the OEM battery in your phone is not the same as that shitty $12 battery you found on Amazon.

Viewers are advised that what they are viewing is a spectacle and is not real and that the train will not, in fact, come out of the movie screen and run over them.

Congratulations Nintendo, you really went out of your way to show there really is no joy in your company here. I bet you spent a ton of things me and money to figure out how it got there in the first place and fired somebody over this as well. Bravo.

Seriously? Fucking seriously? If our first contact with an alien civilization comes under Donald Trump’s watch, that would pretty much be the final piece in the “we’re living in a simulation and somebody put a fridge magnet on the hard drive” puzzle.

Honestly, I agree. How do you re-raise the madness of 2017, which is a re-raise of 2016?

Well, here’s some totally uninformed counterpoints if they helps you get over this:

the real story here is that a senator’s buddy conned the military out of millions of dollars to study tinfoil

Alright so I can add something here. I don’t wanna sell it as the juiciest thing, but:

I’m sorry, but that money was 100% used to build a secret fuck dungeon for Reid and Bigelow and there is no chance those alloys actually exist.

I mean, in 2018 credible evidence of a possible alien invasion is like...fifth (tops) on my list of World Ending “Oh-shittness.” You wanna step up your game, Aliens, get on twitter.

It is beyond disgusting that there are several major media outlets whose sole purpose is to declare that Donald Trump is our perfect leader whose character and integrity is beyond reproach and, that any group or individual who suggests or dares to prove otherwise, is an enemy of the state.

I like the idea that, as in the name “The Legend of Zelda,” these are all legends. Stories that, centuries or even millennia later, are being told from an unreliable source to a group of eager children who will one day tell them again. Stories of Link and Zelda and Ganon and maybe the storyteller changes one thing to…