It's a classic.

"I am also a white man.

I knew a doctor who liked to unwind after work with a daiquiri, but he liked the bartender to add a little hickory flavor to it. When he brought the drink over the bartender said, "Here's your hickory daiquiri, Doc."

So, upvotes are now the equivalent of a pity fuck.

I could fuck that brick.

From The Onion horoscopes a few years ago: "As a final act of defiance, (he) WILL let the door hit his ass on the way out."

"*sits back, expects zero upvotes*"
You're off by three so far.

"Sounds a lot like that time I tried to fuck a brick."
I'm impressed if you can achieve that kind of penetration.

Don't be badmouthing cats.

And sometimes they're floppy.

I think intentional cruelty is more associated with intelligence than species. Chimpanzees, gorillas, and dolphins have been observed to torment and torture other animals (and humans, in the case of chimpanzees). These are three highly intelligent species.

Hehe, "blowharding…"

Jeez, you had three days and that's the best retort you can come up with?
BTW, some secrets shouldn't be kept. Among them are domestic abuse, child molesting, as well as war crimes. As mentioned previously, we're SUPPOSED to be the good guys.
Would you stand by if civilians were murdered or raped, and hide behind…

OMGWTF!

I'm confused here. Was Jeb asking to be given the clap?

Underversal

Or Ted Nugent?

"Jame Gumb?"

Upvoted for the "Thieving Magpie" reference.

"She." Not "he." It's a courtesy.