So a world class athlete used every fat kid’s get-out-of-P.E. class excuse

I’ve spent my entire life looking like I’m trying hard without doing a damn thing. I tip my cap to you Karl. Well done.

“I invented the duck face.”

I was wondering the same thing...I got through about 5 “pages” for each of them before I got to the point where I couldn’t tell one outfit or location from another. I’m gonna need whichever one of them who has the blog to rename it “Cloying.”

Josh and Keith are the voices I hear in my head when I’m about to do something stupid. “But little did she know, checking her text messages in the shower would lead to something so heinous...”

I’m hearing Keith Morrison’s voice over a montage of these photos on Dateline NBC: “Two young women, using their beauty in an online race for popularity. It was all fun until one day that race took a sinister turn when Jennifer/Rosie picked up bedazzled pickaxe and the glamour shot became a mugshot.”

How pissed do you get when people like me just sort of shamble around aimlessly in there?

Page 1. You are a pretentious asshole. Page 2. Throw it in the recycling bin before you are infected by the douchery. Page 3. The rest of your life will be a series of off-white because you are infected now.

Working on it

Pretty easy to break this play book down; Betting pool amongst the players. You’re welcome.

Oh yessssss, yesssssss. That’s the stuff.

“How do I get this woman I work with to have sex with me? I know, I’ll send her a video of me jacking it. That’ll do the trick.”

I hate to tell you, Emma, but Heath Evans is a goldurn Christian.

I blame Magery for jinxing the whole thing in his Jambaroo.

I don’t think thats how it works in 2017. If record holds, whatever team you are rooting for loses in a humiliating fashion and/or the Patriots win again.

It’s great to win the East and all, but trusting Foles with the offense is like trusting your Ferrari to a chump who did really, really well on his driving test a few years ago, but who’s driving record is filled with really dumb accidents since then. We’re fucked.

Weird. I didn’t know my wife was married to anyone else, but there it is.

I dunno man, what happened after SB39 when Reid didn’t run hurry-up despite being down 10 points to the Pats late in the 4th qtr? I kinda remember Reid and McNabb taking a bunch of shit for that, but then again it was 1) a long time ago and 2) I was drunk.

I used to have some affection for you, Philly. Now you deserve to be smacked in the balls with a cheese ladle. Go swim in a dumpster pool, fuckheads.

He’s my new favorite player in the NBA.