Instances of Whiplash Upon Seeing An Article You Initially Thought Was From The Onion: 3,547

My God, that shocks the conscience. At least, it should. If only 38% of our country didn't find this amusing and/or arousing.

-1 nonsensical commentary. 

+1 awesome conversationalist

At this point almost anyone would be a vast improvement over the current occupant of the White House.

“I don’t think he has the intelligence, temperament, or skills to be president”

When the government has failed, when we have no common identity, no common enemy, the mob rules and we eat ourselves. One innocent at a time. 

“The problem with the new Lion King is that the animals just aren’t expressive enough”

State-level crime here, yes? Not a federal court? Presidential pardons don’t apply here, right?

what part of unrepentant, predatory pedophile strikes you as “not a danger to the public”

“No one seeks to minimize the gravity of the alleged conduct...”

I like LaCroix.  Weird to me how strong people’s opinions are on this topic.

Or just replicate LaCroix by drinking plain soda water while glancing at a lemon or lime on your kitchen table.

More like weecock, AMIRITE?

“For a party that preaches tolerance, this once again demonstrates they have very little civility.”

Basically his argument is “We threw you a bone, so you should be satisfied.” What a load of bullshit! Who knew an eight year presidential term could erase slavery and its residual effects? It’s not like those effects continue to this day or anything.

[Whispering quietly, in the corner]: i still like the name Boaty McBoatface

Dear Sir: 1) Remove head from ass. 2) Wake The Fuck Up. 3) Get a fucking clue. The media has bent over backwards to kiss the ass of law enforcement in too many situations so you need to take that shit someplace else, like Fox News. Second if you had read what was written you’d understand how fucking dumb you sound.…

Dear Linda: