I know, right? I’m not sure what he meant, because this was in...1998? Before non-dairy milks were the norm, so there’s no way he was asking me if this local store sold almond milk or whatever.

Aw! Thanks!

Apparently, one night I was out doing Sambuca shots and I didn’t have a lighter. I asked if anyone had one (to light my mouth on fire for the drink) and a hand came out from behind me, and lit my mouth on fire.

And Rolling Stone is amazing. I would be happy to write for them :)

Wow, wakawaka you are all kinds of mad at me!

Well, I don’t know what an AK47 looks like, that’s true.

haha, really? I was there 2001-2005, exactly when he was.

I know!

JOEPERRY4EVA

She was so excited about that coke bottle. I was like, “Dude. We have an EXAM in two weeks.” And just smiled. She told me she wasn’t going to drink the coke. Just keep the bottle, with the coke in it, and carry it around with her. forever.

No, sorry! That’s what I mean! It’s just...I hear myself saying those words in my head, exactly as I did when I was 16, and I’m hyper aware of the privileged little country life I led. I mean, I was genuinely trying to be nice. But there was a real layer of condescension to it (like, I remember thinking, “Aw. Poor…

Tina and I also used to donate blood to get free cookies from the nice old Scottish ladies who volunteered at the clinic. After donating, and eating cookies, we’d go to the pub and get SHIT FACED on a pint of beer.

Ok. Ok. Oi. I can’t believe I’m doing this.

UGH.

Aw, white privilege. Yes. Yes, I am a dick.

Oh, my favorite one!

I went to St Andrews too! Lots of Dunhill stories.

Where is this amazing house?

haha, tell me about it! I’m turning 32 in two weeks and I look better than all my 24 year old friends who played sports outside with no sunscreen!! hahahah. I shouldn’t laugh. But I do!!

How about spud muffin?