If we’re wishing (to put this in perspective, I am super cheap) I would pay $200 to see President Obama debate Donald Trump.

Vanessa Paradis is cackling most delightedly in her French mansion with a glass of the good stuff and the pool boy.

Honestly, did other presidents get judged for where they moved after they were done?

Former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton’s campaign, meanwhile, is roughly 10 times the size of Trump’s, but has a near-even ratio of male to female staffers. Fifty-one percent of the 731 staffers on the Clinton campaign payroll are women — the same sex ratio of the United States population.

Do you not see the woman who is also in the picture, and who is Hope Hicks?

I’m torn on which is more urgent: dousing herself in dairy or killing him. Her temporary insanity claim might be weakened if she waits.

This is why everyone should keep their maiden names.

Well my fav couple remains chocolate and peanut butter, but no one follows my Instagram to hear my hot take on them, so whatever.

I send them to my wife as a joke when I’m lying in bed next to her and she’s reading on her phone.

Was it Tina Fey who said “how are these women supposed to resist these boys and the smell of chewing gum and axe body spray mixed with day old sweat?”

You forgot this one...

I think Earth should start over

Because they feel safer when they think the victim brought it on herself. “That wouldn’t happen to me because I wouldn’t do that.” When I read about a home invasion I go looking for the part about the unlocked door, even knowing exactly why I’m doing it and why it’s bullshit.

Some neighbors in the area, Local Memphis writes, are wondering why the young girl was out so late at night with her mother

Disappointed Michael Bolton breaking the fourth wall may be the greatest reaction gif ever.

Seriously, the less I do to my hair and skin, the more healthy it seems. My body is telling me to be lazy! It’s basically demanding it.

I literally can’t see him sans beard without thinking of Junior from Black-ish.

Wrong. I’m fucking awesome as hell!

“bitch, that’s not whipped cream that comes out of the bra. no, you don’t want to know what it actually is. you smell amazeballs, by the way.”

Funny how in the murder/suicide scenario, the suicide part seems to be the afterthought.