He talks like a very young child writing an essay. “I love ice cream because it is very, very good.”

“Andre, take me to Red Lobster.”

“I’m genuinely going to miss him. He knew how to push everyone’s buttons, had no patience for the rigorous blandness of the perfectly calibrated reality program he found himself amongst, and clashed fabulously with Kris.”

I’m an administrator at a university. I saw this story and said out loud to my assistant “Oh, there was another school shooting.” Like it’s so ingrained now that it’s going to happen inevitably, why even be surprised. It’s sad that it’s reached that point.

Every time this happens it is like the floor has fallen out from under me. And yet I am also not surprised.

it really was a trick question because hillary has no tax plan outside of “boy being poor sure does suck right whip whip nae nae”

Once in a while he shows us that he’s got more spine than so many of his colleagues on the right.

I’m pretty sure that he’s an Australian sheepdog who saved a faerie godmother from certain death and when she asked him how she could repay him he said, “Make me a human man.”

Can confirm. We just don't sing them on our front porch usually...

COLLEGE KIDS!

Maybe it’s because I am 5’0” 195lbs... but I have been 5’0” and 135lbs (Not to mention DD boobs) and in no way can I possibly consider that anywhere in the realm of “fat.” To me that is super in shape. I don’t have a problem with fat, but I just don’t think any reasonable person would consider a 5’1” 135lb woman or a…

My dad didn’t cry but he stole me some silverware from Longhorns because we forgot to buy any for my apartment. That’s love.

Sorry, I do not know what this Bridget Jones 3 of which you speak is. Bridget and Colin Firth live happily ever after and LALALALALALALALALA I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR ANYTHING MORE.

This assumes that I’m taking showers solely to get clean. Showers are great! Baths are great! Hot water and singing along to my favorite Whitney Houston jams and occasionally even drinking a beer—GREAT!

Hermione would have an AM account.

Honestly, once she up and married Ron, of all people, it was like I didn’t even know her anymore. Nothing surprises me now.

I already waste too much time reading Harry Potter fanfiction, now I again have the itch. Not at work, not at work, not at work...