Missy Elliott taught me that if, after careful consideration I wanted to work it, I would need to put my thing down, flip it, and reverse it. Sage advice, indeed.

As a Bills fan...*stone cold stunners myself through folding table* ...ahem, as a Bills fan, this is the exact response I have been giving to coworkers/friends/etc. for the last god knows how many months.

Except that, as a woman, everything I’ve ever experienced in the workplace tells me the exact opposite.

“At the end of the day, we just couldn’t walk away from mutual alliteration.”

—Buffalo Bills Personnel Person on sudden signing of Tyrod Taylor

Yes. I feel like I should qualify this by saying that I would probably be very drunk, but I know that’s not true.

My sister made me go and it was ridiculous. I remember reading that it’s a front for high-stakes poker games that are held when it’s closed and that the owners were surprised at how well the pudding sold.

Rice to Riches is indeed super-weird. I’m constantly amazed that it’s survived over a decade.

I love bringing up his sinful, unrepentant pride to Tebow fans. Fuck that guy.

The biggest frustration for the Mets and their fans has been, after all this time and effort, Tebow’s continued refusal to go past 2nd base.

I’m still surprised that with his background, they’re trying him out at DH and not converting him to a pitcher. His throwing arm already has years of experience hitting corners.

K so none of my male friends have children yet but we rented a cottage last summer that had a wood stove. I was being Cottage Mom and unpacking groceries while 6 grown men tried and failed to split this one piece of timber for like 10 straight mins. (They chose one with a knot in it...inexperience showing.) At this…

So what’s it called? A “flipoffian tube?”

They’re getting the fuck out of the dugout since apparently that’s where the jackass is aiming with the bat flip.

“What I feel like is Gloria fuckin’ Swanson!”

this is weird

“On the machine, Rose. On the machine.”

Soapdish has a permanent place on my DVR. When I’m really blue, there are three films that can pick me up faster than a Lexapro: Soapdish, Death Becomes Her, and (best of all) What’s Up Doc. All three have sensational ensemble casts and every time you watch you pick up another clever bit of shtick. Soapdish also has…

WHY DONT YOU BUY A GODDAMNED WHEELCHAIR AND PUT ME IN IT

God, can we just all take a moment to appreciate what a glorious movie Soapdish is?

It has arguably one of the greatest casts ever assembled, happily vamping it up for the better part of two hours.

“Chance the Rapper announced that he’s donating $10,000 each to 10 public schools in his hometown of Chicago, for a total of $1 million”