Down 13, commit a penalty, and flex for the camera. TJ Ward is an idiot.

I’m not sure a 90 second video can prove consent. This is precisely why I always ask any potential sex partner if I can record a video of the entire encounter. They leave immediately and I don’t have to worry about being charged with sexual assault.

Yeah some of those things aren’t quite like the others.

I feel there’s something to the order of this list

Smoking! Those barbarians!

Thats why I pee in public...and shit in the woods.

required people to use the bathroom on their birth certificates

I don’t know why, but I just about lost it when the plate of fish was unceremoniously dropped on top of the plate of rice in the microwave.

Like I know stealing is wrong but their is something about the title of “jewel thief” that’s just so badass.

Spectacular! It’s going into my video rotation right after this one

Have you seen this? It’s the best...

YASSSS

none of us has the fucking rank to ask about Shelly.

You can’t trust anyone who rhymes Kodak with Kodak.

Now, I know you’re not quitting on me. I need you to keep drinking those beers, so you can help me stop them Duke boys from spoiling all my crooked Hazzard County schemes!

Doesn’t matter, next weekend is a Star Wars weekend too.

I was on a Southwest flight where an attendant came on and said “Belts on, everyone - the Captain wants to try something.” Totally out of the blue, no followup. I thought it was awesome and everyone had a good laugh.

I’ve heard from people who have met him that he is very nice and respectful. His music sucks now, but I seem to remember it being better back when he first started, and he actually rapped and stuff. He has the best job—he literally says a few words, repeats a chorus, dances with beautiful women on a stage, has a…

If you’re a man and are getting away with white pants and baldness, shit is working out for you.  

I have such mixed feelings about Pitbull. I don’t understand how any woman finds him attractive, but he also seems like an okay dude? Like he just really just wants to have a great time, all the time.