“It’s important to keep every workplace drug-free. You don’t want people on drugs running the fryer at McDonalds.”

Exactly. “We made nice nice and listened to our conscience” sounds much better than “we’re in our 14th minute and nobody cares.”

oh my god

Children doing gravity experiments will never not be funny.

Is Radar ever a reliable source though?

I love it when they get to the final four, and at least one designer is like “I have no idea what my collection is going to be!”

That’s like $840,000.00 worth of leaves you’re about to toss :-(

SERIOUSLY. Do y’all want my leaves? I bagged thirty-two goddamn TRASHBAGS FULL of maple/poplar/elm leaves this weekend after we had a bit of wind and every fucking tree in the neighbourhood decided to drop their leaves all in one go.

YUM.

Somewhat related: my brother and I also received genetically engineered water frogs in the mail when we were kids! We wanted a dog, but my parents were not ready for that shit, so they bought these frogs from some company in Florida when we were in elementary school hoping to appease us.

Well, I heard that Norwegian cloudberries picked by the decendants of trolls and hulders cure cancers caused by electromagnetic waves if you write your intention on the container and put it under your pillow when sleeping. It’s true, my friend’s cousin’s dogsitter sent me a FW:FW:FW: that proved it with words!

You guys, I have hit peak old person.

“In a recent study, over 40 percent of parents agree or strongly agree that vaccines played a part in the development of their children’s autism.”

Even. If. Vaccines. Did. Cause. Autism. Which. They. Do. Not. An. Autistic. Child. Is. Still. An. Alive. Child.

Unicorn tears.

“A breath of vodka.” My new favorite phrase.

If you want to know what the fuck is wrong with people, you’re going to need a pen. And a LOT of paper. It’s a long list. People suck.

They’re used to having the support of other villagers with torches, and they’re improvising?

Having spent several years in food service, mostly hauling sizzling fajita plates around, I can honestly say I fantasized many, MANY times about dropping one of those plates in a customer’s lap. The difference, though, is that I DIDN’T. Jesus, lady.

“She even started saving for gender reassignment surgery at the age of five.”