I like how 45th takes credit for so much, but there’s a handy way to tell which are lies and which are truth:
-If he takes credit for intervening in something that could help people, society and might be positive in any way, he made it up and had nothing to do with it.
-If he doesn’t take credit for intervening in…

The ironic part in all this is how the WWE has run down so many guys in their history for not being good promos, have held guys back using that as an excuse, and yet, whenever they sign a big name from outside the world of Pro Wrestling, they seem to forget how much emphasis they put on the word game of a performer. I…

Melania: Me.

Hopefully they stop breeding too.

At this point, I think if Nunberg called Barry Zuckerkorn to represent him, Barry would say “Uh, let it ring.”

I just thought “Helen Mermaid” in my head, and now I don’t think I’ll ever be able to not call her that.

That woman is amazing.

“Wait a minute...why WAS Nicole Kidman clapping like that?! Even her explanation makes no sense! And...my god, how LONG ARE HER FINGERS?!?!”

Having a Blake Bortles superfan on The Good Place makes so much sense...

The perfect encapsulation of how the NFL solves it’s problems.

To The ESA:
Go, listen to what he has to say, and when he asks if they’ll do what he says, say “no” and walk out.

Pretty sure this is actually what happened.

People go on about what a great actor Phillip was, but what’s not mentioned was that he was a great rebounder, not a great shooter.

America.

Fuck, now I’ve got to like Chipper Jones.

I hate what reality is now.

A better man in his current condition that the walking portrait of Dorian Gray that we’ve got leading us now.

At this point, I’d trust Michael with the country more.

“There’s a shooter in this building?! Oh shit, Ol’ Die Hard Donnie is here to save the da...oh, oh shit, that’s...that’s a lot of steps up those st-st-stairs to get into that building...y’know, I think there should be some soldiers in that building, I’ll, I’ll go back to my limo now...”

Minnesota really is the place where QBs go to die.

Goddamnit, you beat me to it.