Yay!

How'd you get my old family recipe?

These days, I tend to make grilled cheese with sourdough and cheddar or gouda (if it's a grilled ham and cheese, I use gruyere or swiss), but I will always have a soft spot for the white bread and American cheese grilled cheese sandwiches of my youth. There is nothing so perfectly creamy and gooey as melted American…

Dammit, I knew someone would beat me to it.

I'm a little concerned that the Cubs winning the World Series might be the harbinger of an election upset, with Trump winning—that is to say, the Cubs winning the World Series is a sign of the Apocalypse.

Normally I'd say you're coming across a little strong, but this IS an election season.

My dad is actually a really, really good cook. But when he and my mom visited me last month, and I guided him towards my good knives (instead of my roommate's crap cheap knives) because I wanted him to see how much better sharp knives are, he tried to use one on a goddamn ceramic plate when I had effing three…

All that herd pressure.

That's nice for you, Lil Wayne.

Normally my hips do the lifting, as it were, but for some pairs of pants, I still need a belt. Suuuuuuper annoying. Who wants to have to undo and redo a belt every time you need to pee?

We have potatoes now! We don't need no stinkin' turnips!

Dude, invest in some good knives! It's worth it. It's really, really worth it. I grew up using my parents' shitty cooking knives. Once I got some decent sharp knives as an adult, the difference was so dramatic—they were SO much easier to use, so much easier to control—that I mailed them a spare Santoku knife I had…

Carrots don't make my eyes water like onions do!

The potato salad I make to eat with gumbo calls for celery, too! (And of course there's celery in the gumbo.)

Horse personalities are hilarious. Like, it's funny when your pet cat or dog does goofy stuff like that, but it's even funnier when it's an herbivore that weighs the better part of a ton.

Celery is an important component of both mire au poix and the holy trinity! Trump has no equivalent culinary uses.

That's what Michael said.

Ditto. Although everybody says the 3D is worth it, so I may suck it up and do the double-glasses thing for this.

…wow.

Your face is horror personified!