A buddy of mine was a volunteer firefighter back in college, and he told me that this was always his favorite scenario, because he got to throw an ax through the windows of a parked car. And then leave a “Sorry we missed you” note on the windshield. They did not reimburse. Also, know that those hoses sometimes leak...…

With metrologist Tiffany Haddish.

I know a guy that runs around in a rooster mask. He’s not a furry, he just likes hurting other people.

After the new ZR1 drives by

McAvoy better known as Professor FleX.

The one that leaves its veterans homeless and destitute so they have to rely on random strangers for even a bare minimum of an existence?

It’s the simple things in life, like a good old Lucio boop into the Ilios well. Pepperidge Farm remembers.

Fuck this woman. Fuck fuck fuck this woman.

I want to know how on earth he destroyed an automatic transmission that quickly.

“Well there’s your problem: the pistons are supposed to go inside the engine, not all over the floor.”

Well I see the problem already, your connectings rod’s ain’t connected to anything!

So you’re telling me that a group of people with the right special genes can become amazingly powerful blonde-haired super men, a superior race over their genetically-inferior counterparts?

I wish all Dad’s spoke of fatherhood in such a way. I literally smiled through reading the entire piece.

Yeah, I’m good with this. Time to set everything on fire.

Pack it in. We’re done, it was an acceptable run.

I believe this is the culmination of the entirety of human civilization.

Just don’t say it.

Corgis tend to like everyone but I still trust them.

Always trust the dogs. They know.

The BBC informed us yesterday evening that the corgis took to Meghan immediately. So, that’s a relief. Nothing can stop this now.