J.J. Twat strikes again. Any kid that looks up to Douches Malone there needs to be wedgied in to submission for making poor life choices and their dads, if around, need kicks to the nards for doing such a piss-poor job of raising their kid.

The best part is that Watt probably worked on that line all week.

WATT: Our goal was to come out here and make the “Red Rifle” look like a Red Ryder BB gun.
SALTERS: (laughs) wow!
WATT: We wanted to make the “Bengals” look like housecats.
SALTERS: R-right, ok
WATT: The plan was to make “Pacman” look like Pong.
SALTERS: (quietly) That’s enough, JJ.
WATT: We gameplanned to “flatten” Jeremy…

Andy Dalton sounds like a doof making a spontaneous comment.

I’m glad for stories like this because it reminds me that even professional athletes can be super huge losers, too.

J.J. Watt would definitely be pulling you over for going 58 in a 55 had this football thing not worked out

Not Pictured: Canadian Tire Centre usher who came over and told him to calm down because someone complained.

That awesome Carson Palmer gif is even better if you imagine that he’s taunting Mackelmore.

Here’s the funny thing about Cam Newton, who has so far led the Carolina Panthers to a 8-1 record: his numbers aren’t even all that spectacular.

Any QB who can go 8 - 1 with that schedule is incredible.

No. I’m pretty sure the “Muslims Suck” one was worse.

Seemed like he put some extra Mozgov in that next bounce pass to redeem himself

It’s pretty obvious he was forced out. What’s the big deal?

Scroll Tide.

No no, you’re a defenseless little baby right up until the point when you turn 18, unless of course you’re a minority and being charged with a crime.

That poor kid was a victim of the Turley Hurley.

This is like exhibit A for why that Arkansas high school coach was talking about lateraling more often. 3 of the 4 players farthest down the field were Texas Tech players: that’s a 3-on-1 fast break where the offense doesn’t have to dribble and you can’t get called for a moving screen.

It's hard to make out, but that amorphous blue thing is supposed to be a wildcat