Always go incognito unless you are an NFL player looking for a mentor.

I consider myself to be a huge Simmons fan.

“You see, my show was always going to be like the Horace Grant of sports talk shows. Really under appreciated and never quite got the praise it deserved. Sort of like how Freaks & Geeks only had that one season but as time passed, people began to realize how good it was. It’s kind of like this time back when I was a…

so let me get this straight, you’ll publish the duke “fuck list” which completely humiliated and degraded male athletes, but when you have access to the harvard “sexual scouting report” all of a sudden it’s time to protect the innocent. can you explain that? oh, you can’t? oh, gawker was sued into bankruptcy. ohhhhh,…

That is the correct oatmeal cookie take. It’s basically a round granola bar, right? With a glass of almond milk you get your fruits (raisins), your grains (oatmeal), and your kind-of-dairy. It’s a perfectly healthy (minus the 8 lbs of brown sugar, naturally) snack that’ll help you blow a hole in your underwear while…

Nah.

the Indians never quite threatened, but they constantly threatened to threaten

The righteous, reflexive indignation aimed at anything Bill Simmons utters or (infrequently) writes these days makes me laugh. I’m old enough to remember when Bill Simmons was nearly universally hailed by those who mattered as the best, most innovative voice for the times as the interwebs came of age. His brand of…

Hmm. next time you should have feinberg fill in for you. That way we can still get our fix and she can continue not writing about sports.

Is this the dumbest Kinja ever? I’m asking because I don’t know.

Hey, Drew. Where was my weekly funbag?

Cruz: “Quarterbacks aren’t paid to make political statements, they’re paid to get rings. Remember Larry Bird? He used to get 20 rings a game sometimes. Heck of a quarterback.”

please, he’s one of the most genuine people in Washington. granted that’s a low bar, but he’d clear even the highest bars of that measure.

+$0.01

The black squirrel stole the show.

“Tim Tebow Saves First Base For Marriage”

Sick lifehack for every time you come across my name: copy it, paste it into a document, enlarge the font a lot (or even change to a cool font of your liking), read it aloud, go back to the blog post

My current girlfriend’s parents are gay men. Should I be more scared or less scared of one of them walking in on us during coitus?

who is bob dylan

Seems redundant?