Yeah, it’s kinda weird to see Deadspin writing a “just let people enjoy football” piece when making people feel bad for watching football is kinda their bread and butter. I mean, just yesterday, another writer admonished men who still watch football as being just as bad as those who still support Woody Allen. And the…

I bet they pulled up in Drive and didn’t put it in park; as soon as the brake lights go off it’s moving. Then when they figured out they couldn’t work the machine, they tried to get out, forgetting it wasn’t in park. They then let go of the brake when opening the door, the car starts to move and then you get a panic…

who knew a stock Kia SUV could accelerate that fast and launch like the general lee

No.

So, he’s the Hamilton Nolan of Buffalo?

He also clicks on Kotaku posts to bitch about video games on a sports blog and drives a Prius or a Suburu with a ‘coexist’ sticker on the back in the left lane.

i can’t find any stats for a Frank Wright or Lou Sullivan on the Bills website. They must have been on the team when they were in the AFL. 

To be fair, he’s waited a long time to post this column.

Pretends* to talk on the phone because he doesn’t want anyone on the elevator to realize his call got hung up as soon as the doors closed

I don’t understand how Rod can sit there and write a column about Buffalo’s Frank Lloyd Write building when Rohingya Muslims are being killed by the Myamnar government. He should seek counseling for his obvious mental health issues.

i bet he’s the type of fellow who talks on the phone in the elevator

Look, do you want the air conditioning or not?

He’s the best he is at what he does. And what he does is lose money to relocate a baseball franchise.

This reads like “how to build a case for relocating a sports team in the very near future.” Claim you need more fan support to be viable; fail to get said support; run back to the owners begging to move to Vegas or whatever.

[the preceding dialogue consists of Derek Jeter talking to himself in front of a mirror while Dire Straits plays in the background]

“So Mr. Jeter, with our standard ticket price, multiplied by an expected season ticket holder base of ... let me see ... zero ... we can expect season ticket revenues of ... sorry, just let me grab my calculator ... zero dollars.”

Jesus. As someone who was happy his team didn’t fire Jay Fucking Gruden and hopes they re-sign Kirk Fucking Cousins, I recognize that being a shitty team for a very long time can skew expectations significantly downward and cause you to be gunshy about getting rid of anyone who displays any consistent amout of…

They wouldn’t be significantly better either way. But I don’t think that’s really a reason to keep a guy who’s averaged eight wins over 15 seasons.

I was beginning to think Capers’ useless ass was going to be stuffed after death and still allowed to run the defense.

Welcome to the real world, Packers.