Tom Cruise is 54 and Cory Feldman is 45. I’ll let someone else work on the timeline of what age cruise was when he ran a peodphile sex ring AND raped both Corys.

He’s a national treasure!! Though... also the first name that popped into my mind just because it would be the last person I’d suspect.

Please don’t let it be Tom Hanks, which was the name that sprung to my mind. I’d die inside.

This sounds fake. Why does a sister need to be the maid or matron of honor anyway? It seems like the perfect situation to have a friend in the role or just forgo having attendants completely.

Question: Do you have an understanding as to the word consent?

“The school mascots are selected by their honor and basically pride that it brings the school,” Shirk said. “If I was a Native American—I feel there was no disrespect intended. It was done to be a unique and fun poster.”

Man, that’s a good way to get yourself Siouxed.

Oh he doesn’t have to say it. He just has to look at you. I might be a happily married heterosexual man, but I would melt for him.

I learned everything I know about American history from the thousands of westerns my dad used to watch.

Look, it doesn’t matter if the real guy was old and fat. If you cast Rufus Sewell in the role, everyone is going to want to sleep with him.

How do you know?

Magikarp is constantly suffocating.

The white sox know how to fill seats. I’ll give them that.

Those are called fends, or stiff arms....and they’re quite legal.

He is really Samoan ‘em down.

You don’t swarm tackling in rugby because the next play is immediate after the tackle. You hold the ball like that in rugby sometimes because its fatter, and makes transitioning to passing easier. He should, however, be holding in two hands while running in the open field to draw the defender before transitioning to…

Normally seeing a bunch of white guys with headgear get rolled was reserved for the Chess Club at prom.

That’s fair, because if Trump wins I’m praying for a Cascadia secession

Pneumonia killed America’s greatest president, William Henry Harrison. The danger is real folks. Especially if we are somehow all transported to the 1830s.