Pants are super sinful, because they reveal the fact that women have legs. And you know how that goes - once you discover the existence of legs, you find out what's between them and then it's one big, warm, slippery slope to sin...Mmmm...

I am always pleased to offer my guidance to achieve greater purity and Godliness (to women only though, men are generally fine no matter what).

American crazy, sex-obsessed people have a lot in common with crazy, sex-obsessed people from other countries.

Why is my first reaction to take the sign completely literally? Like, I'm walking and all of a sudden I come to the sign and it says "no pants." I look down. Shit, I have pants on! I then take off my pants and proceed to pass in just my underwear.

I would like to understand how trousers disturb the sanctity of a neighborhood.

No, but a sky unicorn might be waiting with those cookies!

Those floozy men with their bowties and their suits, trying to lead all the ladies into sin.

Fundamentalist Jews, Hindus, and Buddhists all get up to the same things as well. Same shit, different outhouse.

I mean, what if this lady's husband happens to drop by and I'm wearing these pants? It will be SO HARD for him to pretend not to look at my fine behind.

I've been saying this for years! I refer to them as Talibangelists.

This guy finds it hard to control himself around leggings? What happens when he goes to the beach, would he ejaculate if he saw a bikini? I have SO many follow-up questions to this.

God and Allah forbid men exercise a bit of self-control!

Yes I am quite sure that God is concerned about yoga pants.

This has weighed heavy on her heart for months? FOR MONTHS?

No, not — it's DIFFERENT. ENTIRELY DIFFERENT.

It probably is. That's his real problem with leggings—they look too much like riding britches.

Omg, thank GOODNESS her husband was so honest and open with her about his strength and restraint when faced with the insurmountable task of ignoring those lust-inducing Satan pants all the heathens are so fond of wearing!

Right? Christian evangelicals have more in common with radical Muslims than they'd like to admit.

Good call. Burkas are the way to go, since men simply can't be controlled.