The movie was really quite bad. But nothing in it was as awful as this prose:

One man’s thoughts:

I just love Kristen Stewart <3

If the sign of adulthood is liking blue cheese, I am super incredibly mature, and my husband is basically a child. #bluecheeseoneverything

I worked on a movie with Ellen and I got to see her soaking wet in her underwear, now that’ll make your heart speed up a lot.

You know, I’m always worried that going too far with the makeup and hair and pushup bra just ages me... and I think I’m right. When this 18 year-old looks 30, I can’t imagine how sad I would look.

Not going to make a joke about this. These are the drug-fueled ramblings of a mentally ill person who is self-medicating. She gives lots of indications of being an adult survivor of childhood sexual assaults. And her garbage parents, who should have protected her, looked the other way as long as the checks didn’t…

I was working at a margarita bar on the water, so winter was slow. We relied on our regulars, a few of which were a group of late twenties bro dudes who would come in for nachos and fish bowl sized margaritas. They were generally ok, except they LOVED to flirt with all of the female staff, despite none of us being…

i like to imagine oprah opening up her instagram account, seeing lindsay’s tagged her in a post, and loudly saying, “What the fuck”

It would probably be amazing shit or it would instantly kill you. I don’t think I’m at Lindsay’s tolerance levels.

Yeah. I felt really bad for her, because as he just kept talking you could see her face just settle into a frozen expression of "here we go again."

I haven’t been this confused since she was cast as Elizabeth Taylor.

Yo, how do I get in contact with Lindsay Lohan’s drug dealer, tho.

I’d let him climb me like a goddamn tree.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I would make a terrible celebrity.

I always use that line from Hot Fuzz when someone asks me for my birthday.

When I managed a Borders we were also responsible for this small calendar kiosk on the other side of the shopping center. I was there covering someone’s lunch break and this crazed woman came over demanding why we had no bichon frise calendars. The dog calendar people were always the weirdest.

This is a good point. I don’t think everyone should be VOCAL about their preferences. I also don’t think all preferences are good.

Yes. On reddit he makes a lot of noise.