I've never heard of New Years superstitions. What the fuck, man?

I would like everyone to start off the year with a good giggle so I'd like to share that my mother thought The Igloo said "first things first, I'm a realist"

that's literally exactly what it was

"Bride Karyssa Smethurst, 28, of Gorleston, Norfolk, who is eight months pregnant, then had to drive her sister Krystel to hospital after an ambulance failed to turn up."

I'd be more surprised if she went into a STEM field.

The one wild thing she could do to shock me would be to go to college and obtain a liberal arts degree. I'm serious.

In the spirit of Too Old for This, I think two thins here:

Did she do any of her old stuff... Like Where Are You Christmas?

Of course, that would result in most pets never being adopted in the first place, and a whole lot of younger and healthier animals getting euthanized as a result.

From my point of view - better that I adopted my cat from the county shelter and gave him several years of a happy and healthy life. If I can't afford…

At WSU you can't throw a stone without hitting a tanning salon.

Listen, if I wanna be judged for my life choices I'll go spend some time with my in-laws.

oh god look how handsome he is oh god john stamos ur face tho

Re: Julian Serrano. This happened.

God yes. My vagina is apparently quite.....narrow? And if I'm not aroused to the max, its not even close to happening. And even then, lots of deep breathing and relaxation techniques are required. Because muscle tone is really the key determinant (hence the advice re: kegels)

Ugh all of this. I like the kind of place where I can order (and then subsequently finish) a bottle of white zin and no one says a goddamn thing about how tacky I am. Haters to the left. I'll be over here with 100,000 breadsticks and my pink wine.

On behalf of all of the shelter dogs and all of the strays, and this poor little dog, too, I weep.

Sparkling non-alcoholic wine? In America we call that grape soda.

I've slept with that guy. We've all slept with that guy.

DISSENTING OPINION: I remain convinced Gaston is one of those dudes with a tragically enormous dick, who thinks that his huge schlong means he has to do zero work in the sack. He just bumps your cervix for five minutes then rolls over and congratulates himself for being such a superior cocksman.

No one's slick as Gaston