I’ve been sharing a rectal thermometer with my wife. I wonder why she never lets me see the results. 

I’ll take my chances on the subway. Thanks.  

“This is for me.”

Can’t wait to see it at the post apocalypse radwood 

If I try the 6 min and don’t think it’s enough, will they mail me the extra minute?

Get a note from your mechanic saying it’s sick and can’t go to gym class this month.