It's called a 'nocturnal emission', Kesha.

I'm a liberal female and while I think stricter gun laws should be at the top of priorities, I still want to learn how to use one correctly.

Having lived in Napa Valley for a year, I can tell you that this is going to be awful.

Even with Japan having the most expensive average beer price, the average time it takes to afford it is still quite low. Good for them with their high wages.

good point.

Shut the fuck up.

This is like the first season of Weeds. PTA is no joke.

Tell that to Jon Hamm.

Sometimes I think the snark and sarcasm factor is too high in Jezebel posts. This article, however, had the perfect salt and peppering of both. Good work.

What the hell is a 'routine inspection'?

Well, it could just be bad makeup. They made similar accusations of Obama in '08, saying he was whitewashing himself (or others were) in campaign promo materials.

I’m sure that Egg is a very nice person, I just don’t want you spendin’ all your money gettin’ her all glittered up for the election, you know?

Long Live the Weeeeez

Also, what the hell is she doing driving around NYC? Get a fucking car service, idiot. This isn't LA. People actually USE the streets in NYC.

Will somebody just put the Lohan horse down, already? Has she turned 27 yet? Is there hope? I'm over this 'will she or won't she'. She's like the Ross and Rachel of public meltdowns that could lead to accidental overdose or driving a porsche into a canyon. COMMIT ALREADY.

Of course he's married. Just ask the Gnostics. So many gospels were pushed out when the Big Men were putting together the Holy Canon..

Don't do it. Don't have kids. Stay Strong.

"We're not here to talk about my shoes" is all I got from this.

Everyone celebrate by GOING OUT AND GETTING LAID. Everyone gets laid!

Ugh, Cardinals fans are the worst.