Fucking hipster. “Big deal. I’ve seen better. I saw a vastly superior catch made by a Vietnamese immigrant during a stick ball game while I was traveling abroad in Andorra. It was at night as the sun set over the Mediterranean Sea. Only three of us saw it, myself and this deaf mute couple who were teaching me Moorish…

there used to be no president for this sort of thing...

This post is satire by humor writer Alexandra Petri

But can you be so sure? She’s demonstrably attracted to junk science... I’d rather not be dependent on the good intentions of someone who uncritically trusts her friends.

Oprah’s got a pretty terrible track record of people she’s foisted on the unsuspecting public: Chopra, Oz, Dr. Phil, among other bad choices — she gave Jenny McCarthy a platform. I’m not sure I trust her to pick good advisers that she’d listen to.

Nope. My dream president is someone that has experience for the job and has proven themselves as fighters for our country. Politicians that have dedicated their lives from their first municipal office to where they are today. Politicians that know their constituents; Politicians that have spent their careers making…

Sorry, she’s really not. I don’t want a celebrity President even if they are liberal. I want a policy wonk and an experienced diplomat. Sadly, a small fraction of the country did not and they have doomed us all.

Is she, though? Because I very strongly do not relish the thought of Dr. Oz being anywhere near the leadership of our national health system.

Please, please...stop. Oprah is great and all but, just....no. No more celebrity presidents. Like ever. I never thought I’d live to say this but I want a professional politician back in charge. Not just someone “from the tee-vee.”

Don’t spend it all in one place, Chad.

When I see Jeff Sessions talk about weed, it reminds me of this quote from Harry Anslinger, the father of the war on weed.

The fact that antebellum debutante Lindsey Graham might be all that stands between us and this lunacy is a truly terrifying thought.

Texas is what happens when you shut down PP. Kansas is what happens when you cut taxes for the rich. Wisconsin is what happens when you cut education. The Great Lakes and Flint, MI are what to expect when you kill the EPA.

Why do we continue to act surprised that our government clearly doesn’t have our best interests…

I seriously would love to have my privacy violated for this kind of money.

Big business doesn’t give a fuck about us?

The reason I know god doesn’t exist is because a sinkhole hasn’t opened up underneath the Baylor campus and swallowed everyone who willingly associates with that trash school.

Feel free to contact me when you’ve done anything impressive.

Actually, this is perfectly in line with the laws of normal people.

What color ribbon does one wear for the Glastonbury Massacre?

Everyone has preferences, though. Whether or not you want to shave because a man tells you to is a different issue. I don't think it's wrong to just discuss them. I ask my friends (guys and girls) questions like this all the time, just because I am curious. If you don't want to know what men think about pubic…